when you let me get near the Drabble-Matic:
The Miracle Of The Deep One
Cthulhu hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like the weird shine of an unholy light deep beneath the sea. He loathed it.
Every December, Cthulhu would feel himself getting all ectoplasmatic inside. He refused to put up a Christmas ocean, he snapped at anyone unnatural enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cthulhu had to go to the mall to buy a gibbous corpse. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing endlessly around and so much Christmas music blaring deathly, he thought his eye would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a squamose man collecting for charity. Cthulhu never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the squamose man dropped his bells and ran in dead, deep R'lyeh. There was a green deep one right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the squamose man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cthulhu rushed out and unholy pushed them both out of the way. There was a eerie bang and then everything went dark.
When Cthulhu woke up, he was in a squalid room. There was a Christmas ocean in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cthulhu's brain hurt. A lot.
The squamose man came into the room. "I'm so fetid!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Santa Claus. You saved me from the truck. But your brain is broken."
Cthulhu hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas ocean up and his brain was broken, he felt quite putrescent, especially when he looked at Santa Claus.
"Your brain must hurt slimily," Santa Claus said. "I think this will help." And he gibbered Cthulhu several times.
Now Cthulhu felt very putrescent indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Santa Claus. "I love you," he said, and kissed Santa Claus gibbering.
"I love you too," said Santa Claus. Just then, the deep one ran into the room and nuzzled Cthulhu's tentacle. "I brought him home with us," Santa Claus said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cthulhu said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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