In short: Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Being abandoned by Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) and the resulting food-shortage has turned Pooh and Piglet into cannibals (or however you’d call them eating Eeyore to get through the winter), and given them a mad hatred of all of humanity.

Consequently, they grow up/mutate to become your typical mute – talking is for the hated humans - slasher killers. After killing Christopher’s wife and capturing him for long-ish bouts of torture, they start on murdering their way through a vacation home full of young women, because of course they do.

Its obvious marketing selling point has clearly brought this bit of Poohsploitation to the eyes of people who typical wouldn’t be found dead watching low budget slashers like this one. Of course, given the nature of this kind of film, that’s a lot of people who now call this the worst movie ever made, and so on and so forth.

I do envy these new acolytes of crappy movies their innocence, for Rhys Frake-Waterfield’s Blood and Honey really isn’t all that bad, certainly not the kind of bad that is very interesting. For what it is, the film even looks decent enough, though little things like acting, continuity and a non-monotonous script have not managed to make it into the final cut. Though again, not in an interesting way, but in the way generic low budget slashers without much imagination always have been and will be, going through the motions without ever coming to any individuality as films.

Which is a bit of a shame, for there’s certainly a fun and clever little slasher to be made out of the tale of Pooh and Piglet out for revenge; that fun and clever little slasher would obviously not focus on a house full of random women to murder, but put its emphasis on the former anipals versus Christopher Robin and friends, playing with the nature of the reality of children’s books while also putting interesting gore on screen. And while I won’t blame the film at hand for being bland and boring, I certainly can blame it for only attempting to actually making good use of its selling point for its first ten minutes.