In short: The Lost Platoon (1990)

War reporter Hollander (William Knight) has nominally come to Nicaragua (which looks surprisingly like Alabama) to cover the civil war. In truth, an earlier encounter with a quartet of soldiers has brought him to the belief that these men are vampires, eternally fighting in America’s wars, and he believes they are part of the US forces in Nicaragua. He’s right, too. And as it turns out, these boys aren’t the only vampires around, for a couple of Russian vampires are attempting to turn the Nicaraguan population against the red, white and blue by faking American atrocities (as if those needed to be faked).

I’ve generally gone on record as an admirer of director David A. Prior – even in his shoddy early phase – and much of the output of Action International. So if I say that The Lost Platoon is a bit of a disappointment, you’ll probably understand that this will mean “utterly unwatchable” for less tolerant eyes and squishier brains.

Obviously, one does not go into a film where Alabama stands in for Nicaragua expecting High Art – or even Low Art which is typically the best. One does, however, typically go into this sort of thing expecting to be somewhat entertained, and that’s where my problems with this Prior opus start, for this outing lacks the whacked out charm most of the man’s films have to carry them through. That the plot’s structure is so messy even calling it “structure” is overstating things is a given, but usually, most of the disjointed scenes in a Prior film have something charming, fun, or fascinating to them. Here, there’s just an oscillation between bad but not interesting acting, non-action, and a story that starts nowhere and stays there.

From time to time, there are still sparks of Prior’s bizarre genius: the early line of “Thought I had the world by the balls, 'til I looked down and I saw that the balls in my hand were my own” is an obvious example, but I’m also very fond of the inexplicable moment when the female of the evil vampires reacts to being staked by turning in a circle until she explodes. A couple more scenes like that, and I’d probably sing the praises of the whole affair, but as it stands, The Lost Platoon should be low on the list of even the Prior completist, however enticing it may sound on paper.