The Horror!? 72: Night Train To Terror (1985)

The Devil and God (and an atrocious 80s band, that deserves more than the terrible and painful death it receives) ride on a night train. To while away the time until the climactic train crash, they sprout nonsense and discuss three "cases".
The first one tells the story of a man who is kidnapped and brainwashed by (and I quote) "evil doctors" of an asylum. They need someone to kidnap women for them. What other way can there be to find women to rape and mutilate and sell to other doctors?
The second case shows a young love threatened by the machinations of an ex-lover and his "Death Club", an institution that cultivates the fine art of suicide in the most insane ways possible.
The third and last one is a bit of an enigma. It's the story of an Holocaust survivor who learns that a war criminal is really a demon...or the story of a Nobel laureate who proves the non-existence of god. Soon the devil tries to recruit him, but learns that the scientist doesn't care for him, either. And Cameron Mitchell seems to have been in bad need of beer money, since he waddles through the story too. You see, he is a cop who...Oh, what's the use? I give up! There's just no way to find any sense in the last part of the movie.
What a mess! Five directors concocted this bad mixture of bad acting, bad scripting, bad special effects (although the stop-motion is quite adorable) and bad everything else.
The cutting deserves an extra beating. Is it really possible that no one responsible for the production had the slightest clue about the way transitions work? Everything choppily jumps back and forth and sidewards, possibly to destroy the last vestiges of sense that were able to survive the savage attacks of the flying monkeys of idiocy.
Seen in the right state of mind Night Train To Terror could of course be very fun - it is definitely a good choice if you are sleepy or drunk and slowly drifting away. I can't guarantee you won't choke on your own laughter, though.