Thursday, May 21, 2009

Things I learned from "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus"

  • "Megalodon" is pronounced "Meggledonn"
  • Smell is a most powerful thing
  • A marine biologists' work consists of mixing a multitude of multi-coloured fluids. And stealing submarines
  • Female marine biologists like to call themselves "mermaids"
  • Green fluorescent fluids are the best - just ask Dr. Herbert West
  • Lorenzo Lamas has paralyzed facial muscles which give him the power to say the most inane sentences without breaking down in insane bouts of laughter & he still has to hide his face for half of the movie
  • Meggledonns can jump as high as the flying altitude of a passenger plane, which proves to be very beneficial for a species hunting airplanes
  • Somewhere, my old Commodore Amiga is used to make CGI effects
  • Airplane fishing is a hobby meggledonns and giant octopi share
  • Oirish professors are oirish, lassie
  • Einstein and Oppenheimer and people who hunt giant monsters are somehow the same
  • If you want to kill a meggledonn or a giant octopus, you'd best do it as close to a famous landmark and/or a highly populated area as possible
  • Two very big sea monsters = one global catastrophe
  • If "Thriller in Manilla" is your description of your film's endgame, either the shark or the octopus must be Muhammad Ali, and therefore be the hero of your movie
  • "Only a hate stronger than their combined survival instincts can lead to such a result"
  • The laws of physics apply!
  • We are hoping for a bloodbath
  • Japanese people all talk in heavily accented English with each other
  • Even an Asylum production has a 2nd 2nd assistant director
  • The rip-off artists of The Asylum are perfectly capable of making a watchable piece of crap like this when they want to



Kevin P. said...

I barely made it through this one - thought it was awful even by The Asylum's standards. The sad thing is that I know I'll watch any sequel that comes of it.

Giant Megasharktopus, perhaps?

houseinrlyeh aka Denis said...

I found it surprisingly easy to get through, for some reason.

A Giant Megasharktopus would be ideal for the sequel, yes. Just imagine, all five dollars of the effects budget put into a single monster.

Todd said...

Yeah, I loved how the shark and octopus "hated" each other. Reports from the set allege that the shark hated the octopus because he was "conceited", and that the octopus hated the shark because he was "fat".

houseinrlyeh aka Denis said...

That's what happens when you share a flat with someone for millions of years.