Kirsten (Julie Austin), a valleygirlish creature leads the charmed life of a princess: her little brother is an obnoxious pest, her mother (Deanna Lund)- cat-killing bitch - hates her and her grandfather (Borah Silver) has a very suspect "German" accent. He's also her father as well as her gramps.
That is not the only surprising revelation this Christmas will have for her. She'll also learn that she is the product of genetic experimentation which makes her the perfect woman for mating with one of the killer elves the nazis employed, producing the Antichrist. Soon a stiff elf puppet and a group of neo-nazis are trying to lay their hands on the young woman. The only thing that stands between humanity and the elfpocalypse is ex-cop turned store detective turned store Santa Claus Dan Haggerty and his mystical flabby fatness.
Sounds great in a totally braindead way, doesn't it? Unfortunately it is far from it. Elves is mostly a terrible bore of a movie, taking itself far too seriously without ever reaching anything like naive charme. From time to time a bit of smirkworthy dialogue nearly wakes the viewer up, but if you are looking for entertainment going beyond watching a stoned Haggerty doing nothing of interest, you have come to the wrong place.
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4 comments:
This is one of those damnable films that I know is boring beyond words, but every couple years, I convince myself that it was funny and so watch it again. And even though each subsequent viewing is worse than the last, STILL do it all over again. Truly there is no help for me.
The damn thing sounds so enticing that it is no surprise.
Nazi elves versus Grizzly Adams!
You know, maybe I should give it another chance...NO! NO!
What's the worst that could happen? Oh, yes, impregnation by imagined Nazi Elves. Still better than impregnation by Grizzly Adams.
(And when will I find that search term in my log?)
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