After an IMF team breaks perfect super spy god person Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) out of a Russian prison – we’ll only learn why he’s in there much later, and it’s not worth the wait – our hero and his minions are tasked to…Oh, why bother, to get another doodad that does stuff from yet another world-destroying terrorist without any actual agenda (this time it’s Michael Nyqvist). Eventually, the protagonists are framed for blowing up parts of the Kremlin and the IMF shut down. The Evil Guy does of course also obsess about Hunt like every other MI antagonist, so it’s the usual duel between big egos, one of whom just happens to belong to a producer.
If all of this sounds a bit tired and tiresome, that’s because Ghost Protocol actually is how critics who loathe blockbuster cinema on moral principle pretend all of them are. Lacking any kind of creative personality – animation director turned live action director Brad Bird might as well be fence post turned director Woody T. Keepout –, any will to put some effort into a script, and featuring a cast so underused, they, too, could be replaced by random objects. Things happen on screen, but they’re just random nonsense meant to set up action set pieces that are as silly as those in a late period Fast & Furious movie, but completely lack the sense of big dumb fun which makes that other series so enjoyable. Plot twists sure happen, but they’re awful, make little sense, and simply do nothing.
Cruise is still his biggest fan, but that’s because he clearly hasn’t suffered through these particular two hours.
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