Shake, Rattle & Roll X (2008)

Apparently, this was the commercially most successful entry into the long-running Filipino horror anthology series. It’s also far from the best of the movies in the series I’ve managed to see, so go figure. Which doesn’t necessarily make this a film not worth one’s time, though. But let’s go through the segments one by one to explain, as usual.

The first episode, “Emergency”, as directed by Michael Tuviera is the long and surprisingly tedious tale of a hospital that comes under siege by a bunch of angry aswangs following an unfortunate aswang baby death. Which should be good, cheap fun, at least on paper, but in practice turns tedious thanks to a script full of needless distractions that tries badly to pump a twenty minute chiller up to forty. So expect many a scene of soap operatics concerning the relationship problems between an ambulance driver and a female doctor, as well as two separate comic relief guys – one of them a mildly offensive gay man. Even the aswangs tend to go on a bit before getting to the human killing business.

Tuviera’s direction isn’t terrible helpful either, with little sense for the rhythms of suspense and even less ability to distract from the pretty terrible CGI all three segments suffer under.

On the positive side, with this, the worst part of the film at hand is already over. From now on, things do at the very least keep to the somewhat entertaining side of the tracks.

Case in point is Topel Lee’s “Class Picture”. A group of students are staying over the weekend – and over night - at their university’s main building to prepare an exhibition. Alas, their first night is haunted by the spirit of a crazy murderous nun seeking a replacement for the three kids she tortured to death before she killed herself. The script isn’t exactly anything to write home about, as it mostly uses well-worn clichés, a lot of running through corridors, and exactly the sort of scares you’d expect, but it is effectively enough structured and paced. Lee’s direction is working on a comparable level. He’s not doing anything fancy – apart from using enough handheld camera one might suggest a love affair with it – but he gets a decent little horror short together, which is all I ever ask from any segment of any horror anthology.

Michael Tuviera returns for the third, final and longest segment, “Nieves, the Engkanto Slayer”, which isn’t quite as close to the adventures of a certain vampire slayer as the title would make one suspect, but is certainly the most fun part of the movie. That is, if you get through the first five minutes or so which are a pure dose of the sort of very broad humour that simply translates badly into different languages.

Country gal Nieves (Marian Rivera in a pretty unforgettable performance) is sassy, shouty, and very much in love with her husband Adonis (Pekto), who, in one of the segment’s better jokes, doesn’t actually look like one. Nonetheless, various nature spirits think Adonis is the hottest thing since sliced bread, too, so Nieves has learned all the ways of driving the buggers away: spells, rituals, potions and knife fighting are all part of her repertoire. Which of course also turns her into the local trouble-shooter for supernatural trouble. One night, when she returns from her unpaid spirit fighting work, she finds her home empty, and just manages to witness how Adonis is literally swallowed by the ground. Well, a large CGI face in the ground, to be precise.

Afterwards, she retreats into herself, stops hunting the supernatural and grumps very prettily. That is, until the city family of young Junie (Robert Villar) moves to town and really big trouble begins to stir.

Tonally, “Nieves” is all over the place. Humour, sentimentality and mild folklore based horror don’t always mix as effectively as I would have wished, but there’s real charm and cleverness in the way it uses urban fantasy tropes with Filipino folk traditions and creatures. Even the bad special effects – practical and digital – add to the charm instead of distracting from it here; they feel in good fun and perfectly in keeping with the cartoonish humour, rather like a shared joke. It’s not really the sort of thing I looked for going into the movie, but offered with so bright a smile, I’m certainly taking the film’s offer.