In short: The Silencers (1996)

Or, PM Entertainment has watched the X-Files and liked it so much Richard Pepin is directing this one himself. So this time around, it’s an alien would-be invasion responsible for car chases, random and not so random explosions, shoot-outs and general carnage. Jack Scalia is a luckless secret service agent who teams up with the lusciously haired Pleiadian (so PM entertainment has also read some David Icke or stuff in that vein?) space agent played by a lusciously haired Dennis Christopher he was supposed to cart to vivisection to fight the clone army of Lekin (Carlos Lauchu), a part-time Man in Black with an unbecoming ponytail (one supposes his hair isn’t as great as that of Christopher) and a love for hats bigger than his head. Will our heroes and a couple of submachine gun toting UFO journalists stop Lekin before his army of about ten people can walk through a dimensional portal it took the US government fifty years to build for them?

I don’t know about you, but I always wanted a best of series of alien conspiracy theory bits in my cheap yet loud action movies, so this is a bit like a dream come true, at least as long as the buddy cop movie elements don’t interfere too much, which they really don’t for most of the film’s running time.

Plus, how often does one have the opportunity to watch Jack Scalia shout “Noooooooo!!!” while shooting a humungous handgun that makes one wonder about his character’s penis nearly as much as the one Charles Bronson lugs around in Death Wish 3, while later on the female UFO journalist included for the mandatory romance (Lucinda Weist) actually shows a photo of him making his “Nooooooo!!!” face to her editor - to introduce the concept of action movie Scalia, I suppose.

And you really can’t complain about the action either. It comes fast, it comes furious, and it’s obvious that Pepin takes his responsibility of showing his audience as many stunts, explosions, and crashes as possible on his budget very seriously indeed, a dedication to the truly important things in filmmaking I wish more of today’s direct-to-video action directors would show.