Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008): What the hell was that all about? Somewhere between making his oh so worthy Oscar bait movies and crap starring the placenta eating monster, Steven Spielberg seems to have lost his one true talent of making excellently fun popcorn films. This one was obviously written by a screenwriting robot and lacks any kind of charm, or a sense of pacing. Or fun. And just don't get me started on the plot (or rather, the complete absence of anything even vaguely resembling one).
The action sequences run on and on and on until what should be exciting becomes tedious. All this isn't helped by the fact that the CGI is just atrocious, much worse than anything a movie with this budget should get away with. I would have expected Spielberg to at least know how ants or cars look, but nope, I was mistaken.
Surrogates (2009): A basically great SF idea (people use remote controlled android bodies as replacements in their daily life) is wasted on a much too conservative Hollywood action/cop conspiracy movie plot I have seen a million times before - often better realized, at that. The unimaginative worldbuilding (people would be much more creative with their surrogates and their use than anything shown in the movie, just as an obvious example) kills what's left of my interest.
At least it is not trying to kill its audience through epileptic fits like Gamer did. Basically competent, but boring.
Witch Story (1989): For a late 80s Italian horror film, this little number about an evil child witch spirit slaughtering and possessing a bunch of hilariously foul-mouthed tweens is surprisingly not boring.
Stitched together out of undigested parts of better movies I certainly won't need to list, Witch Story is cheap, it's stupid and it's cheesy enough to fill 90 minutes quite pleasantly if your standards are as low as mine. Director Alessandro Capone uses needlessly good photography considering what he is using it for, but I'm not going to complain. After all, his name is Al Capone, and I really don't want any "accidents" to happen to my family.
Beware though - it is possible you won't remember anything beyond growling and unsexy sexy shenanigans the day after watching this and therefore remember it quite fondly.
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