Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Three Films Make A Post: They Thought He Was Dead. They Were Wrong.

Pandorum (2009): The critical consensus about this film seems to be that it is pretty bad, but I don't agree with that. It certainly isn't a very good film or one that works well as the piece of SF/horror it is meant to be, but it mixes a pretty cool set-up with the awesomely stupid and the just plain stupid with such enthusiasm and earnestness that I couldn't help but have an hour and a half of fun with it. It's also great to see the extras from John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars (a film that works for me on the same level as Pandorum does, now that I think of it) are still getting work.

Just don't expect something clever from the poor film.


Vampire Hookers (1978): You'd think that a movie featuring geriatric John Carradine as a poetry reciting master vampire and his three frequently naked vampire brides, as well as Vic Diaz and a ten minute plus four-person sex scene (without Carradine and Diaz, don't worry) would be a highly entertaining experience, but you would be wrong. This Cirio H. Santiago film is supposed to be a comedy, and therefore singularly unfunny for anyone without a preference for vampire fart jokes or the type of humour that is based on the inability of our male protagonists to identify transvestites.

Worst of all is how the (in theory relatively short) film drags and shuffles its feet for most of its running time, as if nobody was bothering to actually try and make it fun, and Santiago instead went for making it just long enough to be sellable. And just don't get me started on the painful sex scene (of doom).

At least I will always have this piece of wisdom the film shared with me: "Coffins are for being laid to rest, not for being laid".


The Cut (2008): This South Korean film about a group of medical students learning that autopsies can be much more dangerous than one would expect and that their elder generation has more than one corpse hidden in their cellars is well-acted, slickly directed, yet still not all that interesting a film. While the characters are a bit more complex than they first appear to be, the film is a bit thin and most certainly not deserving of nearly two hours of running time. Everything about The Cut is decisively conventional, and therefore just not all that interesting.


No comments: