Saturday, September 19, 2009

In short: Superzan Y El Nino Del Espacio (1973)

Silio (Claudio Lanuza, possibly the son of the film's "director" and "writer" Rafael Lanuza), a gold-skinned alien boy from the Andromeda galaxy lands in his space Trabant on our poor little planet know what? This is just much too dreadful to write about.

Let us just say that this one is even worse than the first Superzan film, pure dreadful, condensed boredom in a bag, achieving the unachievable by being as boring as a film only consisting of filler without having any actual filler in it, an awesome trick senor Laruza must have been pretty proud of, probably worse than anything else that Agrasanchez productions ever called a lucha and/or superhero movie (just think about that!). Let us furthermore fill the rest of this little text with quotes from the awesomeness known as The Middleman (thanks, Wikiquote) to bring my spirits up again and spare you the pain of gosh-darn Superzan:


The Middleman: Special Agent Watson, slacking off the dress code, I see.

Wendy: Oh, I don't do dress code after sundown.

The Middleman: It's bad apples like you that put Mr. Hoover in a dress.


Wendy: Uh, Sensei Ping. Like an unborn lotus festering in the mud waiting to blossom, I come to you with humble greetings to beseech your guidance, most awesome...

Sensei Ping: (laughs) Did The Middleman tell you to recite the most hallowed verse of greetings to Sensei Ping?

Wendy: Uh, yes.

Sensei Ping: He is such a comedian. You know, most of us masters of the martial arts are actually very laid back.

Wendy: Really?

Sensei Ping: No! (slaps her)


Wendy: Uh, why is my car being surrounded by a bunch of lucha libre wrestlers?

Sensei Ping: That is a very long story for another day, my impudent young weasel.


The Middleman: (pre-recorded) Dubbie, if you're seeing this, I have perished in the Underworld. Hopefully, we've stopped a thousand years of fire. If not, you might want look into getting an asbestos umbrella. Or a really good insurance policy.

The Middleman: (pre-recorded) Dubbie, if you're seeing this, we were unable to stop Varsity Fanclub, the Clotharian rebel fleet opened up a warphole, and their armada has reduced the planet Earth to a smoking cinder. I'm not sure how you managed to survive, but "Good for you!"


Aaah, that's much better.



Todd said...

Ah, I feel your pain. I don't know what it is about the Superzan movies, but it seems that, once someone has watched the first one, despite its scientifically verifiable awfulness, they are somehow doomed to also watch the second one.

houseinrlyeh said...

Probably a curse. Or undying optimism.

And oh, what's the next lucha movie on my plate? El Castillo de las Momias Guanajuato.
I am already crying.

Todd said...

You're trapped in Agrasanchez hell!

houseinrlyeh said...

At least there are a lot of Little People here to keep me company.

Keith said...

The Superzan movies were a huge blow to my ego. "Bah!" I thought. "Todd may not like them, but he didn't like the Champions of Justice movies, and I loved those!" But yeah, sometimes I need to control my pride, because Superzan is a black pit from which no entertainment can arise. Some day, when I finally get rich (my plan: an eccentric millionaire is going to give me a million dollars to spend the night in his haunted mansion), I will produce my thrilling Superzan Meets Avenger X.

houseinrlyeh said...

That's about what I thought before I saw the first Superzan.
Which leads to the question why all three of us still watched both.
Mister Poe murmurs something about the Imp of the Perverse in my backbrain.

I'm sure I'd even try to watch your Superzan vs Avenger X, and the sequel with Paul Chang Chung.