Three Films Make A (Decidedly Grumpy) Post: Monsters are real

The Incantation (2018): This thing is an attempt to make some sort of Gothic Horror with Gothic Romance influence. Alas, it lacks the visual flair and thoughtfulness, any sense of mood, the plot or the character depth to pull this off. The script is a badly paced series of clichés, lacking any kind of bite (and of course ends on a stupid plot twist), the acting – apart from Sam Valentine who starts out horrible but actually does her best with what she’s given, and perhaps poor old Dean Cain who deserves better – is execrable. In particular, watch out for the writer/director not going the Hitchcock or Argento cameo route of just popping in but taking on an important role that’s should probably have gone to an actor.

The whole thing left me annoyed and hoping for some sort of Satanic miracle that would make me unsee it.

Day of Reckoning (2016): Also visiting us from the realm of the crappy, the incompetently or lazily written, and the just plain disinterested is Joel Novoa’s Syfy Original about the recurrence of an invasion of a horde of improbably shoddy CGI demons (the people involved in their creation must either have no self-respect when it comes to their work or no intact eyesight). In the film’s only clever idea, the US preparedness for Demon Invasion II is in the hands of the Department of Homeland Security and therefore seems to suck rather badly.

The film doesn’t spend much time on this of course – how could it afford it – but rather goes with the SyFy approved tale of a divorced family fighting off monsters. You can imagine the character arcs there. On the way, the movie drags its feet, hurts the eyeballs via atrocious special effects, and wastes perfectly wonderful actors like Barbara Crampton and Heather McComb by giving them nothing of even the faintest interest to do.

Hooked Up (2013): However, things can always get worse, which brings us to this thing directed by Pablo Larcuen and produced by Jaume Collet-Serra, though you wouldn’t notice. Going by its PR, this is the first feature film completely shot on an iPhone. Consequently, it looks even worse than most other POV horror films, an impression that’s certainly not improved by what looks like the total absence of actual filmmaking skills. The script is even worse, mixing all the ills of bad POV horror (I don’t believe I need to list them anymore) with nonsense that belongs to the film all alone, namely absurd attempts at “psychology” that are so stupid calling them brain dead would be a terrible insult to the comatose.


Add to this a total lack of mood, an inability to stage scenes in any way, shape or form, and much time spent with total idiots on screen, and you’ve got yourself a film nobody should watch.