Some kind of vampire hunting organization lead by a Tom Berenger cameo has sent mercenary turned vampire huntress Cora (Dichen Lachman) and intelligence expert Alexis (Rosa Salazar) to stake out an absinthe bar run by Elizabeth Bathory (Mena Suvari) herself. Modern vampires like Elizabeth and her coven – the bitchy one (Sarah Dumont), the eternal tragic teenager acting out one (India Eisley) and hairy dude for the gory work (Mark Boone Junior) – lure in their prey through the powers of internet dating as well as the more usual mind control business.
Cora’s and Alexis’s mission will prove rather difficult, for their prey hasn’t survived several centuries without acquiring quite the bag of tricks.
Velvet Lounge director/writer Adam Sherman isn’t Uncle Jess, and he sure as shit isn’t Jean Rollin, but there’s space in the realm of the female vampire movie made by filmmakers who put all of their weird, potentially embarrassing obsessions on screen for lesser lights fetishizing blood drinking women as well.
So, if you’re in the market for a mix of all modern vampire clichés except for the sparkle, with bits and pieces of noir – Lachman’s off-screen monologues are quite the thing –, low rent action movie, and general sad vampire whining, a bit of modern technology and lots of absinthe and gore, this is the film for you, especially if you like talky vampires.
Unless you expect thematic or narrative coherence, or a tone that doesn’t fluctuate wildly between stupid, whiny, silly, and deathly self-serious. But really, would anyone going into a film with this title expect these things from their obsessive vampire fetish movie?
On the other hand, one also wouldn’t expect a more than decent cast that features Mena Suvari going scenery-chewing mad leading an ensemble of capable and well-known – at least in our circles – thespians who certainly don’t act bored slumming.
I’m generally not a fan of “you’ll like this thing if you like this sort of thing” recommendations, but this a film made 1) for its director and 2) for people who read the above description and purposefully seek out this kind of movie. As a member of group 2, I was certainly entertained, moved to snark, to companionable giggles at mad ideas like “vampires are literal absinthe fairies” and can’t help but respect a film that clearly doesn’t care to aim for any obvious audience beyond its creators.
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