In short: The Phantom of Hollywood (1974)

A formerly famous big Hollywood studio (MGM moonlighting as something called Worldwide Studios for the film) is not bringing in the big bucks anymore, so its boss Roger Cross (Peter Lawford) is planning to sell its backlot to the devilproperty developers and is already auctioning off a treasure trove of props from various classics. However, someone – actually a guy played by Jack Cassidy in a dubious looking costume wielding a morning star – has started murdering and disappearing people on the back lot, be it developers, vandals, or eventually even some poor night watchman. Is he the rumoured Phantom of the Backlot? The police (Broderick Crawford and John Ireland) are certainly not capable to find out, and will indeed proceed to risk the death of innocents in the hope their prey is killed too (seriously), so it’s up to PR guy Ray Burns (Peter Haskell) to find out who is haunting the grounds. This matter will become particularly pressing to him once the Phantom – well -versed in Phantom of the Whatever genre traditions – absconds with Randy Cross (Skye Aubrey), Ray’s girlfriend and the boss’s daughter.

Going into The Phantom of Hollywood I was all pumped for a TV budget Hollywood version of the Phantom of the Opera. The film certainly starts out promising enough, making much of the melancholic ruin of the real MGM backlot in the late stages of decay (the best location for this imaginable, really), and integrating as much nostalgia for old Hollywood as possible. Alas, that’s basically all that’s remarkable here. Whenever he’s not lovingly going over the ruins, Gene Levitt’s direction is terminally bland, making murders and dialogue equally unexciting.

Apart from the old Hollywood guys and gals doing character parts, the acting’s just as bland, Aubrey and Haskell making the least interesting romantic leads anyone could have found at the time. Only Cassidy makes a bit out of the little the script gives him, but he can only fight the sheer boredom of Levitt’s direction so much. It’s a shame, really, for there were quite a few directors doing TV movies in the 70s who would have done wonders with the material.

As it stands, we’ll at least always have the ruins of MGM.