In short: Hell Girl (2019)

An impressively annoying group of ghost hunters who really double down on the greed by having an Internet show, getting paid for their “services” by the haunted, and being scam artists without the art, are hired on by the owner (Tom Sizemore as always wearing the facial expression appropriate for a guy who is only ever in garbage anymore) of a place that once was a mine, and a bordello, and is an assemblage of cabins now (or something) to exorcise the place (or something). The bordello-mine-cabin-park is haunted indeed – there’s a nasty little girl ghost, an undead MILF (the film’s term), and a lot of strange crap going on.

Even though the supernatural entities have pity on the audience and eventually start killing off the idiots whose lame soap opera nonsense and horrible jokes the viewer has endured for what feels like hours, none of the survivors think about leaving until the final act. But then, this takes place in a world where the lone cop around doesn’t call in assistance when she encounters murders, ghosts and annoying ghost hunters, or at least attempts to get dead bodies to a medical examiner (or vice versa) but rather hangs around and teams up with said ghost hunters, until we finally get to the completely nonsensical final act.

On the positive side, said final act is certainly the film’s highlight because it replaces the standard nonsense of the most boring mediocre horror low budget fare presented before with random bullshit mythology about demons, children birthed as ten year olds from the wombs of dead women, and plot twists that must have sounded good in somebody’s head, breathing the blessedly blighted air of the kind of irrationality you would have encountered in an early 80s Italian horror film. Unfortunately, getting to the final act is a bit of a drag, full of bad acting that’s annoying instead of fun, writing that is the wrong kind of stupid (but at least plenty of that ) to be actually entertaining, direction that undercuts an air of vague professionalism by moments of atrocious staging, and an editing job that also looks professional if boring for most of the time but then inexplicably seems to be missing half scenes, reaction shots and important transitions.


It’s tough going until it finally becomes pretty watchable, is what I’m saying, but at least you can’t blame the film for being too mediocre to be enjoyable. It’s really much too stupid for that.