I don’t know how a film about a hilariously overacting Rutger Hauer chasing a serial killer who is actually a monster through a half-flooded London in the far flung future of 2008 can get quite this boring, but there you have it.
Well, actually, I have a rather good idea how Split Second manages
to get quite this boring. Just show none of the monster attacks in a misguided
attempt at creating suspense through the power of loud heartbeat noises on the
soundtrack and music that’s perpetually swelling for little reason at all. Hire
a bunch of actors who either – understandably so – hate the script so much and –
deplorably so - have so little professional dignity they just flat out refuse to
actually act or drug them with valium before the shoot.
Pretend what an audience really wants from a film about Rutger Hauer hunting
a Predator-style (or maybe its supposed to be Alien) monster
is to witness lots and lots of scenes of people getting in and out of cars,
walking in and out of a police station, strolling through corridors (and then
some more corridors) and from time to time talking to each other in the sort of
zingers a writer will come up with when a producer runs into his home
brandishing a gun and shouts “Joke! Now!” at him.
Because that’s still not good (well, bad) enough, add murky photography, and
an embarrassing amount of pointless borrowing from movies that aren’t a horrible
pain to watch to the rancid stew of bad filmmaking.
What you have now is Tony Maylam’s Split Second, the perfect
antidote for insomnia.