Thursday, October 24, 2013

SyFy vs. The Mynd: Grizzly Rage (2007)

Four dudebros (one of 'em's a girl, making it three dudebros and one dudebronette I suppose) celebrate their graduation (I dare not speculate what they are graduating from) by communing with Mother Nature. Which is to say, they drive around in a four-by-four after ignoring a no trespassing sign and cutting a chain. Not surprisingly, this doesn't end well, for they run over an innocent grizzly bear cub.

Mama Bear is displeased, so soon it's time for our protagonists to face her…grizzly rage. Of course, idiocy leaves them stranded in Mama Bear's realm but that goddamn animal really takes its sweet time killing them.

It is never a good sign when a film produces wistful thoughts about William Girdler's Grizzly in a boy, and that's exactly what David DeCoteau's film at hand does. Trying to articulate everything that's wrong with the it would waste too much of my time, after watching the film has already cost me enough of my life, so I'm just going with a few highlights here.

How about the film's insistence on providing his characters not with  a single discernible character trait, again producing wistful thoughts in me, this time around remembering the awesome complexity of slasher archetypes like The Jock, The Slut, The Virgin, The Intellectual; at least those you can tell apart.

Then there's DeCoteau's complete inability to make the few shots of grizzly the film actually contains even the least bit threatening. In fact, the director shoots the animal in ways bound to undermine every possibility of threat from the get-go. Seldom has a bear in a horror movie looked this small.

Last but not least, I also have to complain about GR's soundtrack. It's not enough that it attacks the ears with the usual SyFy and co synthie non-music music (seriously, that stuff is clearly not composed but generated), it also has to add about half a dozen horrible "alternative" rock tracks by bands whose great ambition in life seems to be to become just like Nickelback.

So yeah, avoid this at all costs.

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