Tuesday, February 1, 2011

In short: Terminatrix (1995)

Original title: Mizutani Kei: Insatsu no toriko

In a dystopian future, the new Japanese government, never having heard of contraception, mercilessly controls the population's sex lives to do something against the horrors of overpopulation. But a small band of rebels under the leadership of a certain Hanako resists. The rebels must be quite successful, too, or there would be no reason for the evil government to send a penis-crushing sexbot (Kei Mizutani) into the past to get a hold of Hanako's father's sexual organs before Hanako can be conceived.

The rebels for their part send a girl named Kaoru into the past to protect Hanako's father Kota from the most horrible mutilation of them all. But Kaoru's work is more difficult than anyone could have expected, for Kota is the kind of guy who'd jump any woman even just vaguely willing. As the audience will learn soon enough, he's stretching the word "willingness" to mean "women I've gotten so drunk they just can't defend themselves anymore" when need be, putting my personal sympathies right on the side of the Terminatrix. Not surprisingly, the leech also doesn't believe a single word of what Kaoru tells him about the future and his important role in the destruction of the world through overpopulation. Things may get easier for Kaoru once enough penis-crushed men sharing Kota's name have been found, yet that alone will not get rid of the Terminatrix, who's absolutely not willing to take no for an answer when it comes to the crushing. That's what electrified vibrators are for.

Given the things I've seen coming from exploitation filmmakers around the world, I'm not exactly surprised to see a pinku version of James Cameron's first Terminator movie (aka the good one), I'm only surprised that it took director Mikio Hirota until 1995 to make it, a point in time when even the second Terminator (aka the sappy one in which that Schwarzenegger guy tries to act again, without any success, as always) was already a few years in the past.

Quality-wise, Terminatrix is about what you'd expect when hearing about a Japanese softcore terminator, although not as mad as I had hoped for. Actually, while two (if you squint three) set-pieces of the original movie get an okay sexed-up update (with the vagina-oriented reworking of the self-repair sequence probably the film's highlight), Hirota doesn't seem to put a lot of energy into his film and instead of letting loose with the weird and the kinky coasts on the basic idea of "Terminator, but with sex instead of shooting" without adding much exciting of his own.

The film's also a bit too tame for comfort, with mostly quite unenthusiastic sex scenes that (again) don't do a lot with the robotic castration angle, or the fact that Kei Mizutani's outfit and makeup here should be enough to keep most guys un-penis-squashable (that's the technical term).

I'm usually quite easily amused by stuff like this, but I expect this type of cash-in movie to show a bit of enthusiasm for what it's doing, even if it's only pretend-enthusiasm. Terminatrix unfortunately doesn't do enthusiasm.


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